dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize