If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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