I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
