How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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