I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
third nipple confirmed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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