Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
