I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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