umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
