someone threw a dead crab at me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
