Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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