It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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