I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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