the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
