friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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