It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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