Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
