its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
