I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
