Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
