she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize