He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize