when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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