So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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