Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
