a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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