like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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