i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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