Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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