Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
