they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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