Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
