Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
