You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Randomize
