I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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