Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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