I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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