Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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