Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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