September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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