I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
