if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
