If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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