So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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