i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
