just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is Oprah even human
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
