There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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