Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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