just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
