I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
