come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The air was thick with penises
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
