Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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