Buhtt sex?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
