It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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