please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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