I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
