I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
