I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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