so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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