So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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