'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
