what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
