i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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