they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
