I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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