She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
