This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
