Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
