wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
