Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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