sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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